Packing!

Well, I've been packing on & off all day today!
I'm going to the Gaeltacht tomorrow.
The Gaeltacht is the name given to the Irish speaking areas in Ireland. I'm going to be attending a three week course to improve my Irish for school. I won't be allowed a phone, iPod or any electrical device. No internet access. I can't even read a book in English or watch tv!
Don't get me wrong, the Gaeltacht (we just call the course that) is so freakin' fun! You stay in local peoples' homes with numerous other students, of the same gender, &can't speak English, except for an exception of one English word per sentence. You have class every weekday morning & then ceilís (Irish traditional group dances) every single night. We play sport; have singing competitions where we change the lyrics of hit songs & translate them into Irish. There's theme nights & trips!
However, since last time I went I've become a bit of an Internet addict. Plus, I need the connection with my friends. Then there's all my music... At least my friends that live in Ireland, along with my boyfriend, can mail me letters. Nothing like some pen & ink!
I think I might not hand up my iPod when I arrive. It's risky, but as long as I hand up my phone, I shoud be okay. Plus, IM gave me a creative idea to hide it in my socks! Haha! I think I might do it for the craic, but I'll see how thing go there first. There may be a problem of charging it, though, so I'll see.

Hm... What else? Maybe the fact that I probably won't be blogging for three weeks...? I don't think I'll have a chance tomorrow before I go, so this'll be my last post until July 22nd, unless I post right after this again!

Oh! Wait! I may have Internet once a week on Sundays, as it's my day out with my parents, so maybe I'll post a bit then :)

Anyway, I feel a bit sick now. I don't know if it's because of what's happened the last few days, my boyfriend & how things will go not talking to him really, the whole Gaeltacht thing & having to try & make new friends, or, just the whole lot together. Either way, I plan to make the most of these next three weeks & maybe get a job as soon as I get back!

Well, have a good July! I'll more than likely talk to ye towards the end of the month - I doubt I'll manage many posts in between.
Goodnight! ^_^ <3

ANGER!!!

I don't want to clean rooms any more or serve people's breakfast. I want to stay up late and not give a shit. I want to sleep in as late as I want. I don't want to go around having to correct the girl that comes to help out in the B&B on the exact same things, almost everyday! I want to breath. I do'nt want fucking retards at school using me to take out their anger.

Just because the principal gave out another fucking EXAMPLE timetable after I talked to him, does not fucking mean it's my fault. I'm ONE goddamn student out of SEVENTY-FIVE!!!! Why the fuck would he change it for me you stupid retards! I didn't even ask him to change it. He even said that it wasn't the final thing.

That time ye decided it would be funny to spread it around that I was pregnant? Shout it out in class so the teachers could hear? Yeah, fucking hilarious. Go play with yourselves, you'll find that ye ain't so fun

Oh, & you know that sixth year that was drinking in school & stealing things from the classrooms, on his last day of school? Did he deserve to get in trouble? Hell yes! But was I the one that told on him, or did ye all just assume, as ye all do & spread it around the school that I did? Yeah, thought so.

I'm so fucking glad it's summer. Finally away from the likes of you bastards.

You can't call me names or push around. Judge me for what I look like, or dream to do. I can breath more, be myself more. I hope, some day, each and every one of you can feel what I've felt. You won't be so quick to go after me then, eh?

 

Maybe this is what happened to me? All this stupid retarded stress?!

Fuck all this!

Just let me breath again...

Am I Crumbling?

When I got home after town, I helped mam out a bit, but also found that the guy, we'll say, Mark, had messaged me back. Mark didn't want to talk to me. I was fine with that. I sort of didn't mind if he wanted to or not, but at the same time, in a really small way I did...? If that makes sense. It's mostly my fault that we aren't friends any more anyway - which he realised as well. I'm sort of happy he did. Now he doesn't have to unneedingly blame himself. But, I'm the brick wall. I shouldn't care whether he wants to talk or not. Just as long as he knows who to blame.

Then he said he read my blog. The worst thing he could've said. Like, that's basically the same reason my blog was set up - I read my best friend's blog.

And you'd think I'd have learned a lesson from that experience & from yesterday, but I just need to let it all out!

My brick wall isn't so strong any more. I can feel it crumbling even now. A lump in my throat is even forming & my eyes are watery. Maybe I ain't so heartless any more, but I don't want to cry. I want the brick wall back. The numbness was safer. It let's my not care for once. I feel like a bitch, but I don't eat away at myself either...

It's hard to explain. I don't even know why I'm bothering to.

I do know, however, that I deserve to crumble. Maybe I'll understand what the hell is wrong with me better. Why I fuck up? Why am I a bitch? Why I suddenly don't give a shit the last few months?!

 

I can't wait to get away from it all on Saturday, but yet, now, I don't... Ugh... I just want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!

A Good Day!

Today was great, yet, I don't know at the same time. I woke up, ate breakfast & served the guests. I messaged the person I mentioned in my last post. Told them I would Skype them & talk. I guess there is small cracks in my wall.
After that, I helped clean the rooms a little before heading into town & meeting with my good friends, D, J & R. We had lunch out together.
It was nice! I relaxed. I was me. J even called me "Mom" for being so pissed off about the belly button piercing thing & I laughed. I actually laughed about it! Usually I'd want to tell her to shut the hell up or give her a death stare. I'm never good with jokes when I'm 100% serious. I'm glad I could just laugh.
We talked & caught up with each other & then J headed off, back to work. D, R & I went for a walk down by the riverside near town, before I went to the hairdressers.

 

I love it! I've been wanting a fringe like this for ages!

I'm so happy with it!

 

I met R & D afterwards in a vinteage shop, as R is doing some voluntary modelling to help local businesses. She looked gorgeous!  I said goodbye to them soon after that. I had asked the bus driver if he was heading out my way & he said he was. When I was about to pay, he said that I didn't need to - he was just on his way home & would just drop me off on the way. That way I didn't have to hang around town for another hour! He was so sweet! Free journey home! Good end to a day in town!

 

 

Emotionless

I feel like a brick wall. Hard. Cold. Unmoving.
I don't know what to do or what to think...
I've hurt someone that loves me, but I don't want their love. Yet, I did care for them greatly once before. However, not in the same way they seem to care about me. Friendship & support was all I thought we had, they wanted more. Thought we could have more.

But I've turned into a brick wall. Hard. Cold. Unmoving. I have no emotion for this person... Only anger, but I don't even know why.

He says he thinks about me all the time. He cries for me, but we have never met in person. I don't understand it. I can make friends over the Internet - Good friends - but, for anything stronger, I think you should know the person in real life, not just on a screen.

These last few months I've become cruel. I don't know when it started. I don't really know why. Maybe I do... But it's all too complicated. All I know is that I don't love him the way he wants to be loved. I don't know if I even want to be friends. He's cut off all contact now, because I was a bitch earlier today & just sent me a message before deleting me completely on another app that we met on. He explained his feelings & how he almost killed himself last month... I understand his life isn't the best, that things aren't always going his way at all, but I'm not worth killing himself over. Not at all!
We've only skyped a handful of times, dammit!

I don't know... I'm more angered than anything else... I don't want to be forced to be his friend - i dont want his friendship any more - but I don't want to leave him there, in the cold, either.

I feel like an emotionless freak.... A brick wall.

Overreacting, But Still....!

Oh, my God! I'm actually really pissed off!!!
My good friend, J, says she got a belly button piercing. R, another good friend, says she was with her. This has been over mail on Facebook. I believe neither of them.
I really hope they're joking.
I'll fecking kill them if they're joking!
I really hate belly button piercings. They look lovely - sure, I'd have one myself if that was just it - but they can be so dangerous sometimes.
If someone hits you in the stomach, you're going to be in so much pain. There have been a few cases where belly button piercings have caused life threatening damage to the body of wearers during car accidents, from being hit by someone or getting caught in something. It's too freakin' dangerous to have no matter how "small" the chance may be of you getting hurt.
This is a good example of the small but scary risks. I've read others.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/south_east/7020936.stm

Then the even more common stuff would be the infections, though I do know not everyone gets them...

Risks

Hepatitis and HIV are the more serious, but rare, risks involved with your bellybutton piercing. More common risks include infection, thick scarring known as keloids, nerve damage and an allergic reaction to the jewelry. Bacterial endocarditis, an infection of the surface of the heart, is a risk if you have a moderate to high-risk cardiac condition, according to American Family Physician. Your body could also reject the piercing.

Side Effects

Bleeding, localized swelling, tenderness and bruising are normal side effects during the initial healing process, according to the Association of Professional Piercers. While your piercing heals, you may experience some discoloration, itching or a secretion of a white-yellow color. See your doctor if you have a foul-smelling, yellow secretion coming from your piercing or you develop a fever.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/127699-bellybutton-piercing/#ixzz1ywRHy5vz

On top of all this, I'm 90% sure they're fucking with me.
They better be.
But I'm probably going to be so pissed off if they are. I don't find it funny at all.
If she isn't I don't know what I'll say. She has never, ever, mentioned wanting one before nor doe she seem like the type of girl to have one. Like, we live in Ireland, for Christs sake! When is she even going to be even showing it off, if we don't even have the weather to wear bellytops and the like???
She doesn't even wear that sort of clothes. This is way out of her character. I don't really believe it, but why joke about it? They could obviously tell I was pissed off. I've never been that well at hiding that I'm angry. Ugh! I don't know what I'm going to say Thursday!!!!

Photos Of Me!

I'm going to be vain today & post a few photos of myself.

Sure, it'll be a bit of fun & ye can see what I look like now & what I did in the past year or so.

Here goes....

Halloween possibly when I was twelve...?

I was a witch, my brother was a ninja & my sister some sort of undead witch!

December 2010

We were in New York for four days before continuing on to Colorado to see my aunt.

This at the end of Summer 2011, I think!

I was showing someone online my new haircut.

I have no idea! Haha!

Taken by IM, when I was over last October.

I love it!

In Sweden with IM. <3

It was great craic!!!

Bored one day in November 2011.

This is one - if not, thee - best photos of myself, I think.

Christmas 2011

A couple of months ago.

April 2012, I think.

One morning a few days ago.

No make-up! XD



Bands & Singers I Love...!

Aerosmith
Bon Jovi
AC/DC
Snow Patrol

The Coronas
The Script
Foo Fighters
30 Seconds To Mars
Florence  & The Machine
Marina & The Diamonds

Michael Bublé
Example
Imelda May

There is possibly more to this list, but I can't think of them right now... I'll update it as I go along!
Anyway, check them out! I highly recommend each of them.

Longest "Goodbye" Ever! XD

Saying "Goodbye" to IM on Skype.

Gosh! I get so seriously distracted!

I think it took like 10 minutes just for me to say "Goodbye" & hang up!

We always end up talking more when we intend to go!

I think it's funny XD

I was all like, "Miss you! Love you! Now your turn!" & I think the conversation picked up from there!

Haha!

This post may make no sense to you,my dear reader, at all.

I apologise.

However, I enjoyed talking to IM, even though I did majority of the talking, but we plan to talk soon before Saturday again & she was busy today too, so I didn't mind really!

Anyway!  I better go get busy myself! There's ironing to be done - the joy! So, I'll possibly post later before I sleep.

Bye!  :)

Going To Bed! (Excuse My Vulgar Language)

Heading to bed now in a second, but I'm bloody pissed off with myself. I had a good enough day. I spent majority of it with my boyfriend! <3 However, because we went on a walk, any mails I got on facebook, didn't show up on my iPod, with notifications, as I didn't have wifi. Because of this, I missed the skype call with my best friend, IM. This sucks major balls. I had meant to check my mails earlier, but I got distracted. Ugh. My fault! -_-
Tomorrow. I'll hopefully Skype her then. It'll be good to chat to her before I go to the Gaeltacht! Even if it's for 10 - 15 minutes (as if we could ever keep our conversations that short. Ha!).
I plan to chat with all the girls this week, but I got to watch my mail now and my timing. Blah. I was looking forward to talking to her. Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Chat, chat, chat.

My Life Is Freakin' Awesome... In My Head! XD

Recommendations....?

Just looking for interesting blogs to read!

Anyone know any?

Or maybe just you're own...?

Take a look at the blogs I read

(Please look to your right)

Check them out!

Oh & if you have a my blog link on your one, let me know so I can feature you on my list.

It's only fair!

Rance, My Day & a Little Info on Me!

Okay. Well, first off, Rance Jones, the possible famous artist that I mentioned in yesterday's post is a famous artist. However, he decided to leave at 6.30am (wtf?!), so he woke up my parents to pay and headed off to a horse fair in a town 1hr and 15mins away. This was crazy of him to do because he'll probably reach it around 8am and nothing gets going at these sort of things until around 11am. He doesn't even plan to stay that long! He planned to come all the way back to a fishing village near me and get a boat out to an island around 11.30am. This is insane. In all honesty, it is! I don't know how it went for him, but I doubt he he had any time to relax. Plus, I never got to chat with him about his work. He just left his card.

After all the guests were served breakfast, Mam & I headed into Galway city to do some food shopping and I bought Endure, by Carrie Jones. I love her! Ye should check her out!
Then, I had an appointment at the beauticians, for laser hair removal. It's sort of sore, but not much - only where the hair is thickest. I wouldn't get it if I didn't need it, though. I've a hormonal unbalance, so I've a thick hair growth on my neck & then on the top of my lip. I sort of had sideburns too. Mam & Dad got me the treatment for my birthday last year because of the bullying... I love them. It's helped a lot, but it's expensive and I'm going to have to pay for it myself soon (another reason to get a job!).

Anyway, I started to get headaches just before lunch. It feels like someone is sticking hundreds of needles into the top of my scalp. It's not overly painful, but I can't think properly and I feel shit. I sort of got that empty feeling again on top of that. I even slept for like 2 hours after we got home! I feel a little bit better now, but the pains coming back... Ugh!

Anyway, I got to go do some ironing and make myself a bit useful! I'll talk to ye later or maybe tomorrow :) <3

Quick Post!

Been a bit busy today, so hadn't really got the time to post at all! Even now I'm trying to rush to get to bed! However, it doesn't help that I type as slows as snail moves...

Anyway, I think there's some sort of famous illustrator staying in our B&B, but I'm unsure. His name is Rance Jones. He arrived and Dad showed him to his room and the norm. Then, Dad came into the kitchen to get the guy some coffee and banana cake. I asked him what the new guest was like.

"Well, he's an artist from Dallas... And he's an asshole!"

Mam & I couldn't stop laughing at Dad's outburst. However, I could sort of see why Dad thought of him as one when I talked to him for like a couple of seconds. It's his ways that give off the asshole vibe. He might be alright otherwise.

When, I was talking to mam after that, she said to Google him, for the craic! Mind you, we don't usually do this sort of stuff, but it was for the fun of it! Turns out that there's an extremely good illustrator under the same name living in Dallas. I'm unsure if it's him though - I can't get a clear photo on Google. It would be amazing if it was!

I might ask him, if I can tomorrow, what does he specialise in to see if it's really him...

Been looking up sights...
Either this guy... http://www.rancejonesart.com/Rance_Jones.html
Or this guy... http://rancejones.com/welcome.html
But I'm pretty sure the men mentioned in both of these websites are the one guy. There's no clear photo though, so I'll still have to ask. Amazing artwork though! I would love if this was the guy staying in our home!

Anyway, I better be off to bed! I'll chat to ye soon.
Goodnight! :)

P.S.
You have to look up the movie,
The Matchmaker. I love it! It
was made in my local area a few
years ago! It's fecking hilarious!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBRsotXC4Ig

I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry.

I really, truly, am.

I'm sorry that I can't be beside you; that I can't hold you when you need to be held.

I'm sorry that I can't understand everything; that I can't see what you're going through like you do.

I want to. I really do.

And, then, I'll know what to say.

I won't fuck up - well, as much - and make it worse.

I won't struggle for words, wondering,

"What do I say now? How can I help?"

I'm sorry this all happened to you.

With all my heart, I wish it was me, instead, who had to suffer & not you.

I'm sorry there is still times you still have to battle with your sword & shield, protecting yourself, standing alone.

I'm sorry I can't fight by your side &, with one slash of my sword, rid you of the enemy for good.

I wish, with my river of tears that I've cried for you, I could wash every bad memory away.

But I can't & I'm sorry for that too.

 But, most of all, I'm sorry that I'm not always the friend I should be.

I can't be right there, however the amount I wish that I was.

I'm sorry that I don't know what to say.

Or, rather I do, but I just don't know how to say it.

Or I feel that I'll ask it too often.

Or, maybe, I'll ask it at the wrong time and never at the right time.

They're always on the tip of my thing, those words,

"How are you feeling?"

But I always choose

"How are you?"

instead, though the phrase is too loose in it's meaning.

It's not the same.

I'm sorry for that too.

I'm sorry I over-think things; I worry way too much; that I can be a paranoid freak - it doesn't help one bit at all.

I read too much into every little detail, which causes more problems than good.

That, I'm greatly sorry for.

But, what I'm not sorry about is meeting you.

I'm not sorry one bit about that.

You are the most gorgeous, most beautiful person I have ever - will ever - know, inside and out.

I'm not sorry for dragging my family to a foreign country, unknown to us all, just to see you.

It was one of the best things I ever did.
I'm not sorry that I'l always be here for you.
I may not be as close as I want to be, but I'm here all the same.
I'm not sorry that I'm always ready to listen, even if I can't ask the questions I need to.
I'll always be ready to learn and try and understand better, &, so, I'll know better for next time around.

I'm not sorry for the amount of tears I let fall for you.

It reminds me of who matters most.

I'm not sorry for the amount that I love you.

And I will always love you.

You'll always be my friend.

The one that matters most.

And I'll never - ever -be sorry for that.

<3

Thinking of Writing!

But thinking about it won't get me anywhere, will it?
So, maybe, I'll just put on some Florence and the Machine & just type... See, the thing is, I come up with my best ideas when I'm either ironing clothes/sheets, making beds, or, telling someone about my old ideas. Then, by the time I get a chance to grab a pen and paper, they have danced away, just out of my reach, only to taunt me once more when I've no pen to snag them with!
I swear they're just up to no good, those devious little ideas. They just do it to drive me insane, but it'll never happen - I won't let them win! I'll wrestle them onto paper some day soon... I'll win this war!

Yes... I am 100% sane... No doubt about that! *wink, wink*
I think I'm going to try and write or type something now. Haha! :)

Unwanted...

Do you ever get the feeling that you're unwanted?

It hurts.

It hurts even more when it's someone close to you - someone you care about.

However, for some odd reason, you're getting the vibe that they just don't want to talk to you & you have no idea how to ask them...

"What's wrong? Did I say something wrong? Will I just shut up?"

I'm getting this feeling a lot lately when I talk to someone I really care about & I don't know what to do.

We've already had problems lately &, in all honesty, it's not that easy for us to talk things out.

We've both changed dramatically in the last few years, but I hope we're stronger than that.

I hope that I'm just being my over-thinking self, studying every little detail all too closely.

I hope that I'm not really unwanted; that it's all in my head.

Ugh!

I feel like banging my head off the wall!

I need to shut my brain off...

Talkin' & Walkin'

Today was tiring, but I loved it so much! After I did whatever serving and cleaning with Mam, we ate lunch and then prepared some fruit for the jam. Did I tell you she sells jam in the local shops? It was tiring, but, after, I set out for a walk with my friend, D! We met half way between our houses from where we just walked aimlessly for two hours throughout the back roads of where we lived. It was great!
I'm not big into walking, but if I've someone to talk to it's perfectly fine. We didn't even feel the time pass. It was great just to talk about everything and anything with her. She even told me the next part of her story she's written (she's really talented - I'm not being biased here) & I told here whatever ideas I have for mine, which, yet again, I'm having trouble just putting onto paper or even typing it up!
Anyway, it was a day well spent! It was great laughing, giggling and just being plain stupid at times for the craic (Irish word for fun - pronounced "crack", but I promise it has nothing to do with drugs! Haha!). I even came home with two huge blisters on the heels of my feet &, as sore as they are, feck 'em!!! It was worth it!
I love D! We may go for another walk on Friday, plus J was saying the four of us (D, R, J and I) should try and meet up for lunch in town some day next week before I go to the Gaeltacht.This will be great considering J & R live on the other side of town to me and D, about 40 - 50 minutes away. So, without public transport like they have in the big towns in cities, it's hard for us to see one another when we're on school holidays.
So, this will be something to look forward to, before I head off for three weeks, without a mobile or Internet access (well, except for Sundays, but I'll explain that better another day) in the Gaeltacht!

I'm starting to wonder how I'll survive without it all now - I've become a bit of an Internet-addict in the last year & I can't even use my iPod or read English books! It'll be an adventure, I'm sure...!

Late Night Messaging!

Three-way chat on facebook,

Plus

Three sleep-deprived, hyper, friends,

Equals

One long conversation stretching throughout all hours of the night;

Random bouts of hysterical laughter;

Way too many inappropriate jokes;

Angry Parents, "Get to bed!";

Droopy eyelids;

Tired smiles;

Happiness.

BONBONS!!! XD

I LOVE BONBONS!!!

They are by far my favourite sweets!

(This, of course, doesn't include chocolate.)

My sister bought me a load of blueberry bonbons while on her school trip today!

Regretabley, I've just eaten a good bit of them...

I may never sleep!!!

Sugar Rush!

Nomnomnomnom!!!



USA! USA! USA!

OH MY GOD!!!

I'm going to Colorado!

I can't wait!!!

Mam & Dad have been looking for good ticket prices fot the last week. Today, they got freakin' lucky and found tickets for five adults (over 12 yrs) €1400 cheaper than yesterdays best offer! Woohoo!!!

I'm so damn happy! This'll be my fourth time ever going to the USA - my aunt lives in Colorado with her husband. I freakin' love it there! When I'm finished my education and I've the money, I really want to move there. It's actually one of my aspirations in life - no doubt about it!

Oh, I can't feckin' wait! We'll be leaving  Dublin December 19th, stopping of in Chicago for 3 hours, & then continuing onto Denver, where we'll then have to drive to my aunts, but she recently moved closer to the city - my uncles a pilot. We'll then be doing the reverse on Janruary 6th, just stopping off for 5 hours in Chicago instead of 3.

I'm all giggly thinking about it all!

Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay!!! 

Neil Patrick Harris

You may all already know this, but Neil Patrick Harris is gay.

I have no problem with homosexuality. I am not a homophobe. However, when a friend posts a photo of a gay couple with their adorable kids, dressed up for Halloween last year, says one of the men is porn-loving womanizer Barney from How I Met Your Mother, you really do get a shock. Like it takes one damn good actor to pull that off! Plus, maybe the fact that he isn't as high profile in Ireland as he would in the States. There's like no interviews on tv or in magazines with him here. So, since the only place I actually see him is in whatever tv show or film he's acting in, it's sort of understandable.

However, this is totally unfair. In my opinion, he is fucking hot & if he was unreachable before, he's freakin' offlimits for sure now! It's always the good looking ones. My guy friend was pissing himself laughing at me when I told him. I don't find it funny when the sexy actor you once had a dream about flirting and kissing with, turns out to be gay... I swear it's always the lads that you least suspect.

Rant now over.

I'll get over it, just needed to get it off my chest!

Has this ever happened to anyone before?

I Just Can't Wait!!!

I want my camera! It's taking longer than I had hoped.... I had thought I would have a summer job, that way, I would have had the €400 - 500 I need in, roughly, three weeks!

I should have my lovely Nikon D3100 right now!!!

Patience was never my thing.

So, I'm still working on getting a job. I just asked in the restaurant we just ate lunch in for Father's Day. I really didn't want to work in any sort of restaurant or hotel. Just the local supermarket and other shops. The hotels and restaurants remind me too much of the B&B, which I hate to work in. The idea of the job outside the home was to try something different and to get away from it. However, I really need the money for my camera & I just might get a few hours in there.

I have half the amount I need for a secondhand Nikon D3100 off eBay, so in two to three weeks, I'll have what I need... But I'm going to the Gaeltacht (Irish summer camp) this day in two weeks. I'll be gone from June 30th - July 22nd! That will slow down the cash intake big time!

So, August! That's when I'll have it. I'll borrow Mam and Dad digital camera while I'm down in the Gaeltacht, but I'll have my own camera when we go on holidays in December...

Not too bad I guess.

I think I'm going to start making posters for babysitting...

My Day Today!

I don't know really what to say, except I know I want to say something. So I'll speak about my day!
My day was pretty good overall, however, I was really tired this morning. I then started to feel sick, so Mam let me go lay down in bed instead of working. Mam reckons it may be my iron tablets (I'm slightly anaemic) that are making me feel ill. I've been taking them more lately because I've been feeling light headed more &, on top of that, I'm on my period. One of the side effects of the tablets is that you can feel nauseous, so I won't take one tomorrow. I actually slept until 1.30pm because of that!

Later, Mam headed off to town with my sister and got some Father's Day gifts for Dad. I already got him a huge card, but I asked my sister to buy him Butler's chocolates for me & Iwould pay her back. She was going to buy him a book. I think it's called The Lost Symbol. It's one of those Da Vinci Code books. By Darren Brown, I think. But, they didn't have it in stock. I don't know what she got him now, instead. I'd say she ordered in the book though.

After dinner, Mam, my sister and my brother went back into town to the small local theatre to see Snow White and the Huntsman. Meanwhile, I finished whatever jobs I had to do & then skyped IM. It was great to talk to her! I felt awkward at first though. I don't know why. It was okay after a few minutes, though. I'm so glad to just chat with her. I had so much to say, but I forgot. -_-" I have to learn to make a list before we talk! Plus we get so easily distracted! Like I think we were having a little rant about younger kids having mobile phones and the like and we ended up talking about Polly Pocket and the old toy sales at school. I love it though. There isn't many people I can just talk like that to.
I had to hang up on her, though, when her mam and partner came to my house. I still find it funny how they came over to Ireland at different times, with only a week or two between when IM was here. Her mams doing some work over here, so it isn't all holiday anyway, so I guess it's understandable. Anyway, I talked with her mam, A, and her mam's partner, P, until around 10pm when they went to bed. I've always loved A and it was so great to see her, but I'd never met P before. I like him. It makes me smile when he jokes around a bit with A. I like seeing her face light up. It's so cute! God, I almost started crying. Like happy tears. I'm such a wuss! I'm just happy for her.

And the tears start again. I seriously need to man up or something! I don't ususally do this. Haha!

Anyway, I'm off to bed! Busy day tomorrow! :) Sleep well all of you and have a good day tomorrow
Goodnight! <3

Feeling Good! :)

I like the way I've been feeling lately! I'm just plain happy.

Like, okay, there's moments I feel sort of crappy, or I just really miss all my friends and I want to do nothing but talk to them. Be with them. But I get over those moments easy enough and I'm fine again. Well, half-cracked, but that's totally normal in my case. It wouldn't be any fun if I was anything but!

I don't even have as much problem working either. Yes, I get a bit annoyed doing everything for mam, and I might mess on the iPod a bit, but I'm still doing my work more and I don't complain as much as I normally would. Actually, overall this season in the B&B, I have been basically just doing the work! I hope whatever has made me do this doesn't go away. I quite like the way I'm working. Hopefully it'll rub off onto my studying skills come the end of August! :P

I'm trying to get along with Dad better too. I like it when we're not annoyed at one another. We're so much alike, however, which makes it so easy to be annoyed. But I love him and I know he loves me, so it makes me happy that we're not at each other as much lately! :)

I don't even really feel depressed or down really any more either! Maybe just the odd time I'll get that empty feeling when I think of IM & my other close friends, D, J & R, and how I miss them, but I then just try to message one of them and it usually helps shake the loneliness off. I think I'll try and meet D soon, if the weather clears up. She lives the closest to me of all my friends, so we'll maybe just meet up and walk around our area and just talk. It might help the empty feeling to become even less again. :) I may not feel like I can tell D everything, sometimes, but I think I'm going to try and do that now. Bottling things up like I do doesn't really help and I can't just wait to Skype or meet IM in person any more. It gets too much for me, so I get depressed and stuff. So I'll have to learn to trust D more. It's hard to know what she thinks though, at times. Whatever. I need to stop worrying what people think of me anyway. I can just ask her if I really want to know. I need to relax more - that's probably why I'm happy more too. I'm more relaxed than I would be at school! I'm going to try keep it that way :)

Anyway, here's the first photo of me I've posted on my blog :)

The lighting and whatever is a bit iffy - it's my webcam and I've only my lamp on.

I'm ready for bed though in my lovely Transition Year hoodie! Haha! :P

Well, Goodnight all! Sleep well :) <3

Laying in Bed Thinking (Giggling XD)

That's all I'm doing. What am I thinking about? Well...

My best friend's mam, from Sweden, is staying in my house tomorrow with her partner. I'm excited! I can't wait to see her & also meet her partner for the first time. My friend says he's really nice, but, as my mam said, "We'll be the judges of that!" Haha! Mam and I have been trying to say his name properly. IM (my friend) had told us how to pronounce his name, but we sound like two complete Irish eejits when we try to say it! XD So, I don't think we're even going to try now. We'll just pronounce it like the English would.
I want to hug IM's mam when she comes, but, as excited as I'll be, I'm afraid I'll cry. I always freakin' cry when I don't want to the most. I don't know why I'd cry though. Like, it's not like IM herself being here and leaving again. That was two weeks ago. Totally different. I'm over thinking it.

Another thing I'm thinking about is the film The Wedding Date. I freakin' love it! I just watched it on tv before I started typing. I don't know the guy actors name, but - fuck - he's hot!!!
I just Googled him... Dermot Mulroney... Such an Irish name... Holy shite! He's 48! He looks freakin' good! What else do we have here? Oh! Well, he is of Irish descent, though he's from Virgina. His ancestors were from one of the same places my family originated too. Pretty cool!
Gosh! I'm such a stalker! Haha!
I have a boyfriend! Must resist hot older men. Must. Resist.
Well, I guess it's okay to look at the menu, as long as I don't taste anything!

My poor boyfriend! Haha! God... If only he could see what goes through my head! XD I'm glad he can't - some stuff may scare him! Haha!

Hopefully, I'll dream of my version of The Wedding Date with K, my boyfriend, in the form of my sexy hooker! Oh, I'm making myself giggle...!

A Short Story :)

This is a short story I wrote for English class over a year ago now. It's one of my most favourite pieces I have ever written. That said, all ideas and basis for piece are mine. All Rights Reserved. Copyright© of Morrigan Dubh. Whatever it is, just don't use my ideas if you like them, please and thank you! Enjoy! :)

Forever Alone...

My wings brought me gently back to Earth, setting my bare feet onto a soft blanket of snow. Looking around, I found myself standing in the middle of a deserted street. Everything had been blanketed in a thick layer of snow - cars were only recognisable shapes.
   I began to walk down the street. As I took my first few steps, I inhaled deeply, my back arching inwards, causing my head to tilt back. I felt my fragile, black wings fold back into my skin. A shiver ran up my spine from the sensation.
   I could hear nothing but the whisper of the wind as it caressed my bare arms and upper back. The whole street - town, even - was deathly silent. It was as if everyone had fallen, magically, asleep.
   I smiled at my handiwork, before letting my grin drop. I sighed. I wish I had listened.
   Though it was many millennia ago, I could still clearly remember my mother telling me, in the odd clicks and whistles of my native tongue, to be careful what I prayed for. As a young child, I had always dreamed of becoming our great Goddess. Her name translated from the ancient language would mean something similar to "Giver of Life, Punisher of Death", for She could control the very essence of life; She could decide if you lived or died.
   I prayed each night to our Goddess asking Her to give me beautiful, velvet wings like her own. I begged her for great magic like her's.
   On my seventeenth birthday, my wish was granted: I woke with large, fairy-like wings, midnight black like my hair. Frightened, I ran to my mother. When she saw me, she too became frightened. Yet, being the loving mother she was, she tried to comfort me.
   Once her fingertips brushed my elbow, she turned to dust. I had killed my own mother just like that.
Terrified, I had ran from the hut I had once lived in, before I could harm any others.
   From then on, I have wandered the Earth, becoming the Goddess as the original as She passed her powers on to me before fading away from existence. I can control people's lives at will; create new species of animal; be no longer affected by temperature or weather. I cannot die.
   As if to prove this to myself, I looked down at my bare feet and clothes - a black, sleeveless, corset styled top and black skinny jeans.
   Then it began to snow. Heavily. If my eyesight wasn't sharper than a human's, I would've been blinded by the white sheets of snow falling before me.
   Then, suddenly, a terrible scream pierced the silence of the sleeping street. I opened my mouth to taste the emotions the sound carried - terror, grief, sadness, loss.
   It was the cry of death, the reason I had come here. I followed the trail of feelings to a two storey, semi-detached house. The door opened for me as I entered the hall, bringing a whirlwind of snow with me, before the door shut itself again.
   I listened for another loud cry, but all I could give ear to was the rumble of the now strong wind beating against the house. Then I heard it - a whimper.
   At inhuman speed, I found the source of the sound in an upstairs bedroom. It was a little girl. Her long, blond hair covered most of her face, as it was tilted. There was the stain of tear drops below her on the sheets of the bed she leaned against.
   Upon the bed was a woman. Her skin was pale, her lips were blue.
   The little girl looked up at me. She didn't seem startled to see me suddenly appear in the room. Her bottom lip quivered as she said, "Help my mommy. She's really cold and won't wake up." My heart ached as I remembered the loss of my own mother.
   I came to stand at the edge of the bed and knelt down, so I was directly above the mother's face. Ever so gently, I pressed my lips to her forehead, passing great heat into her body. Her cheeks turned rosy pink and her lips became a juicy apple red.
   As I moved away, towards the window at the other side of the bedroom, I heard a gasp for air and the words, "What happened?"
   "Oh, Mommy!" I didn't need to look to know the little girl was now clutching her mother, hugging her with all her might.
   I exhaled a long and hard breath, as my back arched again. This time, I hunched inward, as my large wings folded out of my skin.
   I was about to open the large section in the window, when I heard a quiet, small voice, "Thank you fairy girl."
   I looked over my shoulder at the little girl who was now sitting on the knee of her mother. I gave them a fleeting smile and a slight nod, before flinging the window open and jumping out.
   My super sensitive hearing picked up the scramble of feet as I soared higher into the cloud covered sky.
A single word travelled the wind: "Angel."
   I spiralled into the centre of the snow storm, hands outstretched as if i was trying to grip the clouds. I wished, at that moment, I was an angel like the mother thought.
   Anything would be better than the cursed beast I had become. Forever to roam the Earth.
   Forever alone.
   I closed my stormy, grey eyes. When I opened them again, the snow storm had vanished. There wasn't a cloud in sight.
   Time to go, I thought, and I let my midnight wings carry me to the home of my next survivor - or victim.



The Guests of the B&B

As you know by now I live in a Bed and Breakfast. A B&B. So it's not unusual to have random strangers coming in and out of our house everyday.
Some people are a bit iffy, expecting that we're a hotel or something. We're not. We're a family welcoming strangers into our home. They don't see that and expect everything a four star hotel has for a fraction of the price! We've four stars - heck, the inspector said we deserve five, but our rooms needed to be larger - but we do not work the same way as a hotel. Similar, but not the same.
However, that's only a small number of the people that stay here. Majority of the people that stay in our home seem to feel that they can't say thank you enough. They chat to us. They joke with us. They are welcomed home! Sometimes people even return years later. It's lovely! It puts a smile on my face to think we make people feel welcome enough that they want to tell their friends. They want to come back.
I love talking to these guests. You can meet some interesting and lovely souls. Today, for example, I was serving breakfast to a trio (a man with his wife and brother - in - law) from South Africa. The fact that they were from South Africa alone was spactacular to me - it's rare that we get anyone from there or many of the countries in the Southern Hemisphere. Then, I had mentioned I was saving up for a Nikon D3100 (I'm taking donations readers! :P), when taking a photo of the three of them with a professional camera belonging to the husband. We ended up chatting for a good while. Turned out he was a photographer. So, when leaving, they handed me €15 towards my camera savings andthe husband will be sending my parents emails with info and links to the best photography shops that he knows of in Ireland! Like, wow!!!!
They didn't need to do that at all and this is why I love the B&B -though I may often may say I don't like it at all. You meet some amazingly cool people. It's crap when they leave. Seriously! But the connection has been made and, maybe, we'll meet again some day if they return.

I really hope the South Africans return some time in the years to come... :)

Writing...

I want to write again.

That's all I simply want to do. I've the ideas, but the won't come out onto paper, or even the beautiful interface of Microsoft Office Word Starter 2010! I think I'm going to have to try and just sit over the next few days for maybe 30 minutes and try to type or write something.

However, I find it strange that I can't write about a character that I've been thinking and experimenting with for the last three years, but I can suddenly write two poems within a day (if even?) of each other. I never write poetry. I repeat: Never.

I'm the type of person that tries to explain everything. Give every little detail. It helps paint the pictures I see in my head in the reader's mind. It allows a film to play as they read it. That's what I aim for. It's also doesn't allow me to write poetry, I think. My poems usually end up twice as long as the average length of a poem. Then, it wouldn't look or even read like a poem either. It'd be more like a short story rather than a poem.

Right now, though, I seemingly can write somewhat alright poems.

I think, anyway, I'll try something tomorrow. Maybe even look up some old essay/short story titles from school and try to get my ideas out that way. I might see if I can post a past assignment I did for English as well. However, it may take a while, as I'll have to type it up from my old school copies.

I guess we'll see what happens! Hope you're all having a great day/night! :)

Holding the Fort!

My brother & sister missed the bus! Ugh! Dads in Dublin working, so mam had to leave and bring them to school. I'm now standing in the kitchen, paying no one will come down for breakfast... Mams the chief, not me >.< Fuck! I think I hear someone!!! D:

Today...!

Today, I got up at 8am and, as usual, I served breakfast to the Bed & Breakfast guests. Afterwards, I talked to some elderly guests from New Zealand.
They were lovely! Sometimes, it's sad to say goodbye to some people. I'll probably never see most of them ever again. Only a small number actually come back repeatedly.
I then proceeded to clean the an suite bedrooms upstairs with the help of the young French woman works in our B&B a few days a week. She's really nice and humorous! Her English isn't the best, but it doesn't hold her back - she could basically be a long lost family member! However, I had to go around the place after her to make suree she hadn't forgotten anything... Which she had. I hate having to tell her she did this, that and the other wrong. I feel like such a nag. She won't learn if I don't, though.
Then, after lunch, Mam made us cut up plums for the jaam she's making tomorrow (she sells some in the local shops). Three freakin' boxes! It took 2hrs 30mins to 3hrs - no exageration. I now hate plums. The jam better feckin' turn out well tomorrow!

I had two proud moments today.

The first moment was when my best friend IMed me over Skype while I was cutting plums. She fucking kicked ass in her National Tests!!! All As! I felt she could do it from the amount of work she said she was putting into it all, but it's even better that she did get the marks thaat she deserved! 300 out of 320 points... It makes me smile. I'm so bloody proud of her, you'd swear she was my own child! Haha!

The second moment was when I was just having a chat with my little sister. And, Oh my God, she's growing up! No more is she stealing her twin brothers tractors and cars for herself (she was a Tom boy - still is a bit). No. Today I was trying to get it out of her did she like a lad at school. She didn't, but she caught on to all my dirty double meanings. When I was 12, I got hardly any of the stuff she gets. I think I'm a bad influence. Haha! So, I tried to catch her out.

Me:"Okay. You like none of the lads at school... So, how about actors?"

Sister: *Turns bright red* Gale from The Hunger Games. Liam Hemsworth. He's good looking.

We now plan to marry a Hemsworth brother each. Liam for her. Chris for me!

I love to see that I can joke with this sort of stuff with her now!

The day was alright after that, not too much jobs or whatever. I got time to breath! Oh, and to drop a few jokes about Liam on my little sister. She's currently not related to me! Lmao! XD

Anyway, t'is late and I've to get up at 7am to serve breakfast tomorrow. Dad is away at work, so can't help mam in the morning.

Nighty night! :) <3



Thinking to myself.... Another Poem Comes A Knocking!

Time

Time. Ticks. By. Slowly.

Timeticksbyfast.

However,

It never does what you want,

When you want it to.

There's never enough hours in a day.

There's way too many hours in a day.

Time shortens itself to annoy us,

When there is something in need of doing.

It lengthens itself to agonise the wait,

The wait before a loved one arrives.

We try to beat time.

Time beats us.

No matter how fast we run,

No matter how much we watch the clock,

We cannot hurry enough to beat time.

We may get ahead,

But time will catch up with us.

Each and everyone one of us,

And our time will end,

To let another's begin.

Oh Dear Lord, Mother!! XD

In the car home from town.

I take an open packet of salted peanuts from Mam.

I start to eat some.

Mam shouts: Stop eating my nuts!!!

I start coughing, half choking on them.

Mam: That's what you get! Shouldn't put my large nuts in your mouth.

My mother is cracked in the head - I love her! XD

Link Exchange...?

I've seen this on a few blogs now, so does anyone want to do a link exchange?
I'll have your blog link on my page under "Blogs I Read" & you'll have mine linked somewhere similar! :)
I've a few that I read linked (look to your right, if you will), so yours may be there already. So, maybe, "link" me up? Haha!
Anywa, comment below if you want to do an exchange! :)

I Need a Job

I really need a summer job. However, no matter how hard I look, I can't find one.
Mam gives me €50 a week as pocket money for working in the B&B, but, if I did the exact same work for the same number of hours, outside my home, I'd easily make four times that!

I'm saving up for a Nikon D3100. It's a DSLR camera! I really like photography &, instead of using my iPod all the time, I'd love to have a proper camera. I plan to get lessons for join the local photography group once I can get my hands on the D3100. However, I need roughly €400 for a secondhand one off ebay. Considering I'm saving up to buy stuff on my yearly holiday on top of that, things aren't going so well... Plus, I've to pay for stuff like phone credit, necessities and things while I'm at the Gaeltacht (Irish camp).

So, maybe, I'll put up a poster for babysitting...? At night though, I'm not great with babies and young kids... God! >.< I hate, at these times, living in a rural area! Stuff is so limited! Got to keep trying though...

Wish me luck! <3

A Little Poem I Just Wrote

Sometimes, it's just nice to be told,
Y'know? A heads up before something happens.
A warning.

However, it doesn't always come.
You're forgotten.
Left behind in the chaos.

You've no knowledge of what's happening.
Fend for yourself against the unknown,
Through the anger, the tears, the hurt.

You're left alone,
And you know it.
On purpose?

Of all the people,
You were the one lost in the woods,
Left to find your way home.

Will you find it?
Will they come back to save you?
Or will you stumble and fall, left forgotten in the undergrowth...?

My Boyfriend! :D

Well, now that my heads cleared, I went to my boyfriend's house today! I hadn't seen him in over two weeks, so it was really good to see him... I start getting negative thoughts when we're apart for too long... :/
We talked for a good while, before having some fun! Hehehehehehehehe! ;) XD
Then we talked a good bit again. Dad was late coming to collect me, so my boyfriend's mam asked if I wanted to stay for dinner. I did, so rang mam to ask if it was okay, but, of course, that was when the doorbell rang. Dad had arrived.
I had a good day overall with him, though. We just lay together, not talking, on his bed, for a while. It was relaxing & comforting. I had trouble not falling asleep!

I love him... <3

Just Venting

This post may be a bit all over the place, just like my head is right now...

I'm just going to type it as the thoughts go through my head.

Well, I don't know where to begin. Maybe that I miss my best friend (we'll call her "IM"). I'm trying to talk to her more now that I'm done with school for the summer and she's gone back to Sweden. Today, though I was worried something was wrong - still am - as she wouldn't reply to my mails on facebook... Like I get these new little notifications that say "seen at..." whatever time, sometimes they don't work properly, but they seemed fine today. They said she saw my messages. I think I'm a paranoid freak. I could easily look at her blog and find out, but I don't want to. Well, I do, but I'd rather she told me "Yes, somethings wrong" instead of me seeing it and getting annoyed or upset because she didn't tell me. Blah! I hate when I get this way... But I want things to be alright between us...

Yeah... I'm a paranoid fucking freak. Dammit!

She did message me back. Once. She said she couldn't skype and that she was sorry... Did she not look at my worried messages? I don't know... She does forget to reply a lot... Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk about it...? God, I'm so confused... And tempted. Tempted to look at her blog. She would more than likely say, if somethings wrong, there...

I wish I lived in Sweden. It'd be easier then. I wouldn't have to depend on the Internet or facebook then. I could just ring her up or pop in for a visit! Life isn't that simple though. Someone decided to make things that bit more complicated.

All this has me thinking (me thinking?! :O Dear Lord!). Maybe, since I'm not allowed travel abroad without a family member until I'm 18, for my 18th birthday, instead of having a big party or whatever, I might ask my parents if I could go to Sweden for a week or two... It'd be nice... I miss being around her.

I think I started feeling depressed when she moved. I was used to not seeing her all the time, maybe a day every few months, so I thought I could handle it better. Obviously not. I'm tearing up now thinking about it. Blah.... I would cry non-stop some days and even nights. I'm was so selfish. Like she was going through a way worse time than me. I'm still being quite selfish. I'm jealous of her new friends. They see her most days. I don't. I hope she can talk to them. Like tell them everything... Yet, I wish I was the only one she could tell everything to... Ugh... I need to talk to my other friends more. Tell them stuff more. Maybe I won't feel as bad and be as selfish.

Currently I wish to scream the following:

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!"

However, it's almost 11pm an there's guests asleep above me.

Well, I feel better getting all that out of my head... Maybe not 100% better, but better all the same... I'm still a little worried though... I'll ask her tomorrow, maybe... She was possibly busy today - her mam is coming over to Ireland some time in the next few days, so...? I don't know... I'll talk to her tomorrow.

Smile! :)

What you may not know, from the direction of a lot of my posts, is that I can be quite a smiley person!

I feel that everyone should smile at least once a day & I don't mean that you should plaster a big fake grin across your face for five minutes.

No. I hate fake smiles.

I hate when I've to do it when I serve breakfast to the guests!

Like this morning, I was pissed off at mam for telling me how to do stuff which I already knew how to do perfectly and what I needed to do next, which I knew!

So I wasn't happy or smiley or whatever. I more than likely looked like I wanted to kick the shit into someone (possibly because I did! Haha!), but when I walked into the dinning room with tea and coffee I had to smile. It'd be really crap if I gave someone their tea and they looked up to say thank you, only to get a murderous stare in return. Yeah... Not a good way to run a business!

But I still don't like fake smiling. I can always feel the corners of my mouth trying to obey the force of gravity, as I try to fight it.

Gravity always wins the battle. I stop fighting as soon as I close the dinning room door.

I love when I talk to my friends and we have a bit of a laugh, and, then, they start to complain that their cheeks hurt from all the smiling and laughing.

I always say it's because they need to exercise their cheek muscles more!

The two of my closest friends it happens the most too, say I'm the only one that makes them smile enough to make their cheeks hurt.

It makes me happy to know this. I absolutely love making people smile or happy.

It makes me happy!

I love saying hello to random people and plastering a grin on their faces because of the sheer oddity of it all!

Or when I say "Hello! How are you?" to shopkeepers or shop attendants! There's always the odd dour ole feck that just says "hi." in response and doesn't even look at you, but a majority of them smile back and chat with you while you pay! Then as you walk away, you hear them give a chirpy "hello!" to the next customer! It makes me seriously happy!

Like, two weeks ago, I went to Galway with my three closest friends (that I go to school with). We went shopping and saw a film. We decided to get ice-cream in a cornershop on the way back to the bus station. The shop attendant was only a couple years older than ourselves, I'm guessing maybe late-teens to early twenties. I was the last of my friends to pay, so I justed did my usual "Hello! How are you?" & she literally looked up from the till, shocked.

"I'm fine, thank you very much for asking! You?"

She said it was nice to be asked. I figured not many did. They just walked in, payed, walked out.

I loved they way I sort of made her day, in a small way. I'll always remember her reaction and what she said. It fuels me to do it more often & just smile!

So make someone smile today and just say "Hello! How are you?" Doesn't matter who they are or if you even know them. You more than likely may never see them again, or, possibly, you may get a new friend out of it. I do it for the sheer happiness of seeing the smile on their face. :)

Emptiness...

I just feel empty. I felt fine earlier today, tired, but fine all the same. I don't know... It's shit. I feel lonely and unwanted. I miss my close friends... I want to tell them what's wrong with me, but how can I? I don't even know myself.
I want - I don't know what I want. Maybe to cry...? Shout? Scream?! Screaming sounds good right now, but the guests (we've a bed and breakfast) might think someones being murdered, or, plainly, has the volume up too loud.
I hate this empty feeling... I hate feeling unwanted and lonely... I have enough of it at school some days, because of dickheads and bitches and the like. It's worse at home though...
I just wish I was with my friends... I want to be away from here... I want to be wanted by someone and not doubt things about whether they really do. I don't want to feel like I could be a problem or that I'm annoying them when I'm around or if I say something... But I feel that now and when I'm with the ones I love...
Ugh.. I hate all of this...

An Epic Adventure!

My epic adventure began at 7.30am this morning when my alarm went off. Soon after I switched off said alarm, I quickly fell back to sleep. Very exciting! Anyway because of this I ended up with only 40mins to have a shower, eat and whatever, before I was to get the bus into the nearest city Galway. Almost missed it, but got on all the same!

On the bus with one of my closest friends, D, I read and edited her story. It's a good plot! She's really creative! I wish I could tell ya more, but, as editor, I'm sworn to secrecy! Hopefully ye can all read it yourselves some day :)

We then scoured the Eyre Square Shopping Centre and all of Shop Street for converse (got my first high-tops!), bras & DVDs... No shop was went unnoticed by our judging stares! Then, we ate in McDonald's before heading down to see Snow White and the Huntsman. It was a brilliant film! I highly recommend it.

However, because the movie started later than scheduled, we had to run for our bus - literally! I then had to ask the bus driver to wait while me and my friend went to the bathroom (DO NOT GET A LARGE DRINK, FINISH IT DURING THE FINISH IT IN THE FIRST HOUR OF A TWO HOUR FILM AND THEN SPRINT FOR YOUR BUS!!!). Luckily we knew him (he lets ya get onto the bus as a "child" even though you could be 18/19!), so it was all good!

D started writing something on her story, so I finished typing up something small I'd been working on myself on my iPod. T'was a nice relaxing journey home. Well, apart from the fact my seat was broken, as it just kept reclining, no matter what I did. -_- I was squashing the poor American fella in the seat behind me and there was no empty seats... He was pretty cool about it though, thank God!

Well, that was my epic adventure!
I'm off to bed! Goodnight! <3

Labello!

It is very handy to have lipbalm!

My lips are usually dry and cracked and all disgusting looking... But now, thanks to Labello, my lips look soft, juicy and kissable, in just two, short, days!!! ;) So, ladies and gentlemen - yes, ye lads too - buy some lipbalm and take care of your lips! I'm sure the next person to lock lips with you will appreciate it! XD

I should totally be a a sales person for Labello! Seriously, though, look after your lips. I feel great that mine aren't all dry and peeling now. :)

Buy a Labello chapstick today!



Hum Diddley Dum!

I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW!!!

I'm going to see Snow White and the Huntsman with a close friend and her sister and her two friends!

CHRIS HEMSWORTH!!!

We'll be heading into the city on the bus! T'will be good craic!

Plus I might buy a new pair of converse!

I always like buy slightly unusual converse!

I hate getting the plain ones everyone has. I want to stand out a bit.

I want a bit of unique style to them & I know the perfect shop to go to!

I  just hope I can afford the pair I end up liking now!

Hmm...

I feel strange.
It's weird. I feel neither happy nor sad. Sort of blank.
I could suddenly get annoyed one minute and literally burst into song the next! O.e Then I'll just feel sort of empty... Gosh, I'm such a freak! Haha :P

Laying in bed...

Just finished watching The Avengers! I didn't really get to watch it all with my little sister like I planned. I had to do some ironing for Mam, so I gave my laptop to my sister to watch the streamed film, while ironed. However, it stopped playing after 2 mins 29 secs -_- So I found a different video stream  & let that load up a bit & I went back to my ironing. Then I burnt my freakin' elbow!!! -_-" Only I could manage that. Seriously.
Anyway, after all that, me & my sister watched the beginning together before she had to go to bed & I watched the rest. I'm going to give her my laptop to watch the rest tomorrow or whenever. :)

Random thought... I wonder is my friend really A-okay... I really hope she tells me whats wrong next time, instead of just blogging it... She says she's a problem communicating her problems, which I can understand, but something bugs me about it all... I don't know... I hope this ain't the beginning of a series of unfortunate events & knowing my luck, it may be... Hopefully, I can see her again this year & we can talk more in person rather than over Skype. At least we talked this morning too. I had never felt so horrible in my life until last night. I could actually understand why people have suicidal thoughts, though I could never do it to my family and friends, of course, but I had very bad thoughts, thinking she may not want me any more... Blah... I really love her... I hope I never have to feel that way again. I don't think I could survive without our friendship.
I'm just going to have to try to talk to her more. She's going to have to learn to reply to all my messages though!

Anyway, I better sleep now! I have to get up to serve breakfast in 6hrs! :O
Oh & my brother  is playing in the finals tomorrow, like I mentioned. My dad & sister are going to go up and watch & I'll stay home and help mam.

Goodnight! <3

My Day :)

After this mornings Skype call, my day went vaguely back to its normal routine.
Get dressed. Go upstairs. Clean the B&B bedrooms with Mam/Dad. Hoover said rooms. Eat lunch. Breath for a bit. Fold sheets & towels. Breath some more... I'm currently breathing some more.

Earlier, my younger sister mentioned that Avengers Assemble was on at 2pm in the small theatre in town. I thought we could go into town on the bus and the two of us could watch it. Her twin brother is going to see it today as well, with the school soccer team (they're heading up to Dublin to the All Ireland FAI final for the primary school teams. The movie is a little treat! I hope he wins tomorrow!). However, the bus times are shite. There was only three times the bus was going by the end of our road and they were either too early or way too late! The joy of relying on public transport in the middle of a rural area! So, I said we could stream  the film online or something after dinner. It'll be nice. :)

Tony Stark/Iron Man is my favourite character of all the Avengers!

Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is just freakin' HOT!!!

So, yeah, that's it really! I'm munching down some Swedish orange chocolate my friend brought me when she was over, at the moment. I'm trying not to eat it all, but it's difficult! Haha! :D

Yum, yum, yum!

We're good! We'll be fine!

We talked over Skype for like 40mins... We're fine! We're A-okay! I don't remember every single word, but she will tell me what's wrong next time, even if she has to forward a link to her newest post! I'm happy. I feel a little strange, I don't know how to explain it, but I feel as if I didn't stay up half the night crying, that nothing has been wrong... It's strange, but good. I'm happy. We're happy. I love my best friend! <3

Feeling... Blank....

I don't know what I feel... I don't know if I'm angry or just plain upset... Furious or devistated... I mailed her over Facebook that we really need to talk, that I've never been so serious in my life! I haven't told her that I've read her blog yet. I'll only tell her that when I'm sure she will reply right away. I don't think I can stand much more of a delay of a few minutes. The agony of just waiting for her to get online is horrible... Plus I don't want to take the day with her from her dad. He may see her more than I do, but it'd be unfair, wouldn't it? But the day was meant to be spent with me &, it seems, she may have asked to be picked up earlier now, instead of talking out our problems... I just don't know... This blogging thing does help though - I now understand that - but she still has to talk to me, right? She can't just leave me in the dark! I have never left her side (figuritively) when she told me she had anorexia, she cut herself or even when she told me, on Friday, that she had tried to commit suicide! Why would I suddenly be jealous & cruel towards her? Maybe it's the anorexia, or "Ana", talking, but it seriously hurts all the same. I have had many problems as well, since she's left, but I try to tell her, some I haven't managed to form into words for her yet, so am I just as bad? No... I don't think so... It's out relationship that's got the brunt of whatever is wrong with her now - I have. I stayed up until 4am last night after posting my three blogs, crying... I couldn't stop... Someone just help me... Please!!! <3

I Feel Like Shit... I Want To Curl Up & Die

I  shouldn't have read it but I did. She posted again. I'm a bitch. I get jealous easily and it showed today when she met her other friends. But I tried to cover it up. I feel like total and utter shit. She said I was abitch to her and made snide comments, but I didn't... I don't even remember talking about her food... We were in a restaurant, I possibly did! We had a joke about "avacodo fish" as she loves sushi... I mentioned salad once because she ate mine, but not in a mean way!!!!

WHY CAN'T SHE FREAKIN' TELL ME?!

I'm crying again. I fucking hate my life. I have no one. My own best friend was happy to get away from me. I want to die. I've never felt so low and horrible. I don't know what I'll say to her tomorrow if I even will say anything... I can't say anything without sounding like a bitch, though I haven't even been trying to all weekend... I was trying to be how we used to be - jokey and shit... I don't know... I want to get hit by a car... This isn't right...

A Little Intro

Well, a little introduction to who I am should have been done first of all, but I needed to get a few things off my chest! Anyway....

I'm of the female gender, born and raised in the lovely country of Ireland. I'm sixteen years old. I have a loving boyfriend of well over a year, but I like to look at the menu sometimes - which is alright, as long as I don't go tasting anything on it! Haha! I am a little bi-curious, though... But that's for another blog!
I am, in my own opinion, moody & sometimes depressing, but my friends see me as happy and hyper, so I guess, I'm only a bore on my own, if that makes sense!
I'm an over-thinker. Again, this is for another blog,but this is a serious problem for me. I worry too much about what people think about me & I can't help it. It freakin' sucks.
I'm a bit strange/crazy, but, I like to think, that's a good thing. I would like to be an author and my craziness helps my overactive imagination. There's just a little problem of getting the stories onto paper!

I'm currently trying to think of something not exactly boring to say. I am also currently failing to do so!

I guess random little things about me are the facts that I play rugby for the local and the U18s Ladys' Team for Connacht and I love art. Also, I love to read and I want to be a Graphic Designer (any attempts at being an author will be on the side).

There is probably other things, but I can't really think of anything...So maybe ask some questions, if there's anything you want to know. :)

I should sleep now - it's nearing 2am!
Goodnight... <3

Welcome, I guess...

This is my amazing first blog...! Spectacular, eh? I don't know what exactly what to write... Possibly an explanation as to why I'm actually going to try and blog, maybe? Here it goes...


Well, my best friend blogs daily. She possibly posts two or three blogs a day. It helps her get on in life, helps her survive the day and inspire others. I say inspire others as she is recovering for anorexia. She tells them how her days go; how she manages; how she gains strength.
She now lives in a separate country to me as the faculties here weren't helping her as she was having treatment. So this weekend was the second time I  met her face-to-face in two years. I was obviously over joyed and I had so much to tell her ( there's only so  much you can say over Skype), but I must have said something wrong - I upset her. However, she never told me - she blogged about it. She vented. I found out only by whim.
I walked home after her dad picked her up today... I was upset, crying. I was meant to have another day with her, but her dad came to pick her up - he needed to spend time with her too, before she left on Wednesday. I felt selfish, but I needed her. She's the only person I can ever tell everything to. The only person I can trust 100%. I don't feel that with any of my other friends. I just can't be me.
So, I grabbed my laptop as soon as I could & searched for her blog. I had never read it before, however, she had mentioned it throughout the years. I don't know why I hadn't. She had told me I could, but I just hadn't. She knew I hadn't. But, right at that moment, I wanted to be closer to her. I couldn't - can't - stand the thought of possibly not seeing her until next year, so I searched for the closest thing I could get to - her blog! She had showed me a Vlog (video-blog) yesterday or Friday, so I planned to watch it once more.
However, I got closer to her than I thought I would. The first blog had been from this morning about how she felt emotionless and like a bitch when she told me she was leaving today & I had started crying, but she didn't. I totally disagreed with this blog. I'm a blubbering baby - she needn't to feel that bad. She has never been a bitch to me. I was going to comment on the blog, but didn't. I don't know why. I just kept reading. I now wish I hadn't.
I've been proud of her progress & how well she's recovered  - she's near her goal weight, though struggling with the last few kilograms. However, the way I went about showing I was proud, obviously didn't show. I don't recall mentioning food & how she ate very often, but it obviously struck a cord with her. She said it hurt in one of her blogs. She felt that I must have been jealous of her figure or weight or something and I was trying to hurt her... I cried when I read it & I'm crying now just thinking about it. I never ever went out of my way to hurt her... If she just told me, I wouldn't have mentioned food at all! I wouldn't have said how pretty her figure is! We are completely different body shapes - She's tall and slim with slight build, while I'm short-ish with slightly broad shoulders, but I'm not fat nor super skinny. I'm slim too. I'm happy with the way I am & I've said it to her before - all I need to do is tighten up my muscles, not lose weight...  So, how could she see I that I was jealous? I can't understand! Or why she wouldn't just tell me... I understand she will be obviously insecure about certain things, but I need to be told what and when, not just her blog readers.


It really hurts and I can't really stop crying since. I can't stand the way I've hurt her, the fact that my best friend couldn't even tell me how she felt, hurts even more. So I plan to tell her how I feel tomorrow, or at least sometime soon. I need to control myself first, so, ironically, I turn to blogging to help me cope. It helps her, so it can help me. That is why I have started this blog. It does help - I'm not really crying as much - but it doesn't solve the problem. There has to be proper communication for this to be sorted. So I will try to Skype her or at least message her first. I don't know if I'll even tell her about my own blog either... I'll think about it, along with everything else.


If you've actually read all this - well done! I'm virtually patting you on the back! Most people would give up halfway... Thanks for not doing so... <3
Comment if you have any advice or if you were even just courageous enough  to read all this!


<3