I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry.

I really, truly, am.

I'm sorry that I can't be beside you; that I can't hold you when you need to be held.

I'm sorry that I can't understand everything; that I can't see what you're going through like you do.

I want to. I really do.

And, then, I'll know what to say.

I won't fuck up - well, as much - and make it worse.

I won't struggle for words, wondering,

"What do I say now? How can I help?"

I'm sorry this all happened to you.

With all my heart, I wish it was me, instead, who had to suffer & not you.

I'm sorry there is still times you still have to battle with your sword & shield, protecting yourself, standing alone.

I'm sorry I can't fight by your side &, with one slash of my sword, rid you of the enemy for good.

I wish, with my river of tears that I've cried for you, I could wash every bad memory away.

But I can't & I'm sorry for that too.

 But, most of all, I'm sorry that I'm not always the friend I should be.

I can't be right there, however the amount I wish that I was.

I'm sorry that I don't know what to say.

Or, rather I do, but I just don't know how to say it.

Or I feel that I'll ask it too often.

Or, maybe, I'll ask it at the wrong time and never at the right time.

They're always on the tip of my thing, those words,

"How are you feeling?"

But I always choose

"How are you?"

instead, though the phrase is too loose in it's meaning.

It's not the same.

I'm sorry for that too.

I'm sorry I over-think things; I worry way too much; that I can be a paranoid freak - it doesn't help one bit at all.

I read too much into every little detail, which causes more problems than good.

That, I'm greatly sorry for.

But, what I'm not sorry about is meeting you.

I'm not sorry one bit about that.

You are the most gorgeous, most beautiful person I have ever - will ever - know, inside and out.

I'm not sorry for dragging my family to a foreign country, unknown to us all, just to see you.

It was one of the best things I ever did.
I'm not sorry that I'l always be here for you.
I may not be as close as I want to be, but I'm here all the same.
I'm not sorry that I'm always ready to listen, even if I can't ask the questions I need to.
I'll always be ready to learn and try and understand better, &, so, I'll know better for next time around.

I'm not sorry for the amount of tears I let fall for you.

It reminds me of who matters most.

I'm not sorry for the amount that I love you.

And I will always love you.

You'll always be my friend.

The one that matters most.

And I'll never - ever -be sorry for that.

<3