Love?

How do you know you're in love? Seriously.

It'd be so much easier for both parties if ye just knew, wouldn't it? There would less heartache & even less time wasted. You wouldn't lead anyone to believe you were in love with them only to realise you aren't months later. I'm afraid that I'm doing this to DA... I'm sure this what I did to my last boyfriend & I really hope it's not happening again.
However, the words "I love you" are often on the tip of my tongue & I've even said it once by accident... I'm not even sure I'm in love with him, so why say it? Sometimes I feel so very positive about my feelings, but I often don't as well. I don't want to hurt him or lead him on, but I don't want to lose him either...

Am I being selfish? I really wish I could understand how I feel. Why must love be such a complicated & difficult feeling to understand?

It's Been a While...

It has, hasn't it?
So much has happened since September... Good & bad.

For instance, that job offer I mentioned in my last post? Well, I had the job in the cafe for all of roughly 3 weeks. The owner decided since I was going on holidays to America over Christmas, she didn't have much use for me, so told me I could go back in February... Fair to say I did not return.
However... I went to America! Woo! Colorado :D I love that place so much! I highly recommended the state as a holiday destination... It's lovely at Christmas.

In October, I finally broke up with K, my boyfriend. He didn't take it that well, which is understandable, but we still don't talk anymore. I found that he can be a bit of an asshole. He put me on the guilt trip for a good while which was a horrid experience...
But, during mid-Janurary, a close friend of mine, DA, told me he liked me! I mean, really liked me. It just so happened I quite happened to really like him too & we've been going out ever since. :) he's such a cute little sweetheart ^_^

I've lost two friends, J & R, over a stupid fight. However, from the way things look & have gone, I really doubt they were my friends in the first place. It'll take too long to explain, but it's honestly a whole load of immaturity on their behalf & stupidity. So much so, it makes me so angry just thinking about it. I want to smash their heads together. This happened over a month ago, I'd say, but, because D, another close friend of mine, played neutral in the whole thing, she's still caught between the two groups, (A & myself vs J & R), so we tend to be around each other, especially because our school is so small. I can't go a day of school without being reminded of it & I can't even tell D how I feel most of the time because she, understandably, doesn't want to hear about the fight. This is difficult for myself, though. There's a lot of mind games & it gets to me at times... So it angers me a little that she won't just let me talk it out to her. If it was me, I'd put aside my feelings & what my thoughts were, just to let her vent...
I might explain the whole thing another day. It's just a long story.

I do know who my real friends are now though; A, IM (Swedish friend), D & my boyfriend DA. EMA is another person I would consider a very good friend. :)
As mam said, life has it's way of filtering people out. Those that stick around are the people worth keeping.

Other things have happened but nothing overly important. I shall be blogging once again every so often so watch this spot :P

Shauna <3

Update On My Boyfriend & I

I posted a few days ago about himself & I was pretty pissed off. I read yer comments & thank you for your support & advice.

We talked things out & he's trying to work harder. He knows he needs extra help with English soon & I know I need to learn to breathe & relax too!

So, the basic gist of things is that everything is alright again. Things have been going well the last few days & will hopefully continue that way!

Just letting ye know! :)

Pissed Off Rant At My Boyfriend!!!

I'm so pissed off right now at my boyfriend! It's like he has no motivation sometimes. I know he has difficulty with school as English isn't his first language, but he isn't that terrible at all. I mean, there's not much he doesn't understand.
He wanted to get extra help with English, which I thought was great, so he asked the career guidance teacher. She was the worst person to ask. She told him that the teachers were basically too busy to help him (he doesn't learn Irish, by the way, so he has spare classes where he could learn English). This excuse was crazy in my opinion, as he received extra help before, but the teacher forgot a couple of times & just stopped the lessons. I told my boyfriend to ask our year head for the extra classes. He forgot to & isn't bothered, it seems.he says that it'll be alright.
It so totally won't be - excuse my language - fucking alright if I've to explain simple words like "statement" where, in the context of the sentence, have very obvious meaning ("Do you agree with the above statement?").
Then, after that, explain how to answer the question. This is even more insanely annoying as our teacher had explained what to do in class. We had also been working on this topic since we started back at school!
This is just so stupid. He knows, or should, at least, know about it all after two weeks. It is far from rocket science & I swear he had a brain last time I checked. It's like he just doesn't listen in class. I'm the one that absolutely hates the class & teacher, but I still listen & try my best!
I want to do well & get the points I need from the end exam from this subject. He'll need points too, as he won't be able to do honours level (you get more points if you do this level) for a few subjects due to the fact that he hasn't the best of English. However, it's as if he doesn't try; he doesn't want to do well.
It pisses me off so much, because that's all I ever do - try! I want to do the best I can; I want my education to help me get somewhere in life. Then, he just doesn't care.
I spent a good bit of time explaining the one question we had in Geography to him today, while I could've been doing my own homework & study. I repeated the same basic thing over & over again, explaining what to do & then he would repeatedly ask the same question about something I had explained.
I wanted to scream at him - that's how pissed off I got. I know I've a short temper, at times, but he always pushes me over the edge with this sort of stuff. I swear to God, he is going to get extra English classes, even if I have to organise them myself. I don't care if he doesn't want the classes anymore, I won't be able to stand much more of this. He needs them & I'm not patient enough to go through everything with him, nor do I want to lose time on what could be spent on study, to help myself.
Yes, I know I sound selfish, but to be honest, I tell him he should do certain things to help himself at school & he rarely ever listens. He's incredible intelligent at maths, however he is in ordinary level maths. He could do honours level easily. I do it myself! I told him & he said no, because he would have to study more for the subject... You get 25 extra bonus points if you just simply pass honours maths! That means by getting a D3 in Honours level is more or the same as an A1 in ordinary. Like, what the hell? A bit of study is no harm! It'll be good in the long run.
Ugh! He has zero motivation! It pisses me off so bloody much!!!

Packing!

Well, I've been packing on & off all day today!
I'm going to the Gaeltacht tomorrow.
The Gaeltacht is the name given to the Irish speaking areas in Ireland. I'm going to be attending a three week course to improve my Irish for school. I won't be allowed a phone, iPod or any electrical device. No internet access. I can't even read a book in English or watch tv!
Don't get me wrong, the Gaeltacht (we just call the course that) is so freakin' fun! You stay in local peoples' homes with numerous other students, of the same gender, &can't speak English, except for an exception of one English word per sentence. You have class every weekday morning & then ceilís (Irish traditional group dances) every single night. We play sport; have singing competitions where we change the lyrics of hit songs & translate them into Irish. There's theme nights & trips!
However, since last time I went I've become a bit of an Internet addict. Plus, I need the connection with my friends. Then there's all my music... At least my friends that live in Ireland, along with my boyfriend, can mail me letters. Nothing like some pen & ink!
I think I might not hand up my iPod when I arrive. It's risky, but as long as I hand up my phone, I shoud be okay. Plus, IM gave me a creative idea to hide it in my socks! Haha! I think I might do it for the craic, but I'll see how thing go there first. There may be a problem of charging it, though, so I'll see.

Hm... What else? Maybe the fact that I probably won't be blogging for three weeks...? I don't think I'll have a chance tomorrow before I go, so this'll be my last post until July 22nd, unless I post right after this again!

Oh! Wait! I may have Internet once a week on Sundays, as it's my day out with my parents, so maybe I'll post a bit then :)

Anyway, I feel a bit sick now. I don't know if it's because of what's happened the last few days, my boyfriend & how things will go not talking to him really, the whole Gaeltacht thing & having to try & make new friends, or, just the whole lot together. Either way, I plan to make the most of these next three weeks & maybe get a job as soon as I get back!

Well, have a good July! I'll more than likely talk to ye towards the end of the month - I doubt I'll manage many posts in between.
Goodnight! ^_^ <3

Laying in Bed Thinking (Giggling XD)

That's all I'm doing. What am I thinking about? Well...

My best friend's mam, from Sweden, is staying in my house tomorrow with her partner. I'm excited! I can't wait to see her & also meet her partner for the first time. My friend says he's really nice, but, as my mam said, "We'll be the judges of that!" Haha! Mam and I have been trying to say his name properly. IM (my friend) had told us how to pronounce his name, but we sound like two complete Irish eejits when we try to say it! XD So, I don't think we're even going to try now. We'll just pronounce it like the English would.
I want to hug IM's mam when she comes, but, as excited as I'll be, I'm afraid I'll cry. I always freakin' cry when I don't want to the most. I don't know why I'd cry though. Like, it's not like IM herself being here and leaving again. That was two weeks ago. Totally different. I'm over thinking it.

Another thing I'm thinking about is the film The Wedding Date. I freakin' love it! I just watched it on tv before I started typing. I don't know the guy actors name, but - fuck - he's hot!!!
I just Googled him... Dermot Mulroney... Such an Irish name... Holy shite! He's 48! He looks freakin' good! What else do we have here? Oh! Well, he is of Irish descent, though he's from Virgina. His ancestors were from one of the same places my family originated too. Pretty cool!
Gosh! I'm such a stalker! Haha!
I have a boyfriend! Must resist hot older men. Must. Resist.
Well, I guess it's okay to look at the menu, as long as I don't taste anything!

My poor boyfriend! Haha! God... If only he could see what goes through my head! XD I'm glad he can't - some stuff may scare him! Haha!

Hopefully, I'll dream of my version of The Wedding Date with K, my boyfriend, in the form of my sexy hooker! Oh, I'm making myself giggle...!

My Boyfriend! :D

Well, now that my heads cleared, I went to my boyfriend's house today! I hadn't seen him in over two weeks, so it was really good to see him... I start getting negative thoughts when we're apart for too long... :/
We talked for a good while, before having some fun! Hehehehehehehehe! ;) XD
Then we talked a good bit again. Dad was late coming to collect me, so my boyfriend's mam asked if I wanted to stay for dinner. I did, so rang mam to ask if it was okay, but, of course, that was when the doorbell rang. Dad had arrived.
I had a good day overall with him, though. We just lay together, not talking, on his bed, for a while. It was relaxing & comforting. I had trouble not falling asleep!

I love him... <3