Just Venting

This post may be a bit all over the place, just like my head is right now...

I'm just going to type it as the thoughts go through my head.

Well, I don't know where to begin. Maybe that I miss my best friend (we'll call her "IM"). I'm trying to talk to her more now that I'm done with school for the summer and she's gone back to Sweden. Today, though I was worried something was wrong - still am - as she wouldn't reply to my mails on facebook... Like I get these new little notifications that say "seen at..." whatever time, sometimes they don't work properly, but they seemed fine today. They said she saw my messages. I think I'm a paranoid freak. I could easily look at her blog and find out, but I don't want to. Well, I do, but I'd rather she told me "Yes, somethings wrong" instead of me seeing it and getting annoyed or upset because she didn't tell me. Blah! I hate when I get this way... But I want things to be alright between us...

Yeah... I'm a paranoid fucking freak. Dammit!

She did message me back. Once. She said she couldn't skype and that she was sorry... Did she not look at my worried messages? I don't know... She does forget to reply a lot... Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk about it...? God, I'm so confused... And tempted. Tempted to look at her blog. She would more than likely say, if somethings wrong, there...

I wish I lived in Sweden. It'd be easier then. I wouldn't have to depend on the Internet or facebook then. I could just ring her up or pop in for a visit! Life isn't that simple though. Someone decided to make things that bit more complicated.

All this has me thinking (me thinking?! :O Dear Lord!). Maybe, since I'm not allowed travel abroad without a family member until I'm 18, for my 18th birthday, instead of having a big party or whatever, I might ask my parents if I could go to Sweden for a week or two... It'd be nice... I miss being around her.

I think I started feeling depressed when she moved. I was used to not seeing her all the time, maybe a day every few months, so I thought I could handle it better. Obviously not. I'm tearing up now thinking about it. Blah.... I would cry non-stop some days and even nights. I'm was so selfish. Like she was going through a way worse time than me. I'm still being quite selfish. I'm jealous of her new friends. They see her most days. I don't. I hope she can talk to them. Like tell them everything... Yet, I wish I was the only one she could tell everything to... Ugh... I need to talk to my other friends more. Tell them stuff more. Maybe I won't feel as bad and be as selfish.

Currently I wish to scream the following:

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!"

However, it's almost 11pm an there's guests asleep above me.

Well, I feel better getting all that out of my head... Maybe not 100% better, but better all the same... I'm still a little worried though... I'll ask her tomorrow, maybe... She was possibly busy today - her mam is coming over to Ireland some time in the next few days, so...? I don't know... I'll talk to her tomorrow.