Love?

How do you know you're in love? Seriously.

It'd be so much easier for both parties if ye just knew, wouldn't it? There would less heartache & even less time wasted. You wouldn't lead anyone to believe you were in love with them only to realise you aren't months later. I'm afraid that I'm doing this to DA... I'm sure this what I did to my last boyfriend & I really hope it's not happening again.
However, the words "I love you" are often on the tip of my tongue & I've even said it once by accident... I'm not even sure I'm in love with him, so why say it? Sometimes I feel so very positive about my feelings, but I often don't as well. I don't want to hurt him or lead him on, but I don't want to lose him either...

Am I being selfish? I really wish I could understand how I feel. Why must love be such a complicated & difficult feeling to understand?

Pissed Off Rant At My Boyfriend!!!

I'm so pissed off right now at my boyfriend! It's like he has no motivation sometimes. I know he has difficulty with school as English isn't his first language, but he isn't that terrible at all. I mean, there's not much he doesn't understand.
He wanted to get extra help with English, which I thought was great, so he asked the career guidance teacher. She was the worst person to ask. She told him that the teachers were basically too busy to help him (he doesn't learn Irish, by the way, so he has spare classes where he could learn English). This excuse was crazy in my opinion, as he received extra help before, but the teacher forgot a couple of times & just stopped the lessons. I told my boyfriend to ask our year head for the extra classes. He forgot to & isn't bothered, it seems.he says that it'll be alright.
It so totally won't be - excuse my language - fucking alright if I've to explain simple words like "statement" where, in the context of the sentence, have very obvious meaning ("Do you agree with the above statement?").
Then, after that, explain how to answer the question. This is even more insanely annoying as our teacher had explained what to do in class. We had also been working on this topic since we started back at school!
This is just so stupid. He knows, or should, at least, know about it all after two weeks. It is far from rocket science & I swear he had a brain last time I checked. It's like he just doesn't listen in class. I'm the one that absolutely hates the class & teacher, but I still listen & try my best!
I want to do well & get the points I need from the end exam from this subject. He'll need points too, as he won't be able to do honours level (you get more points if you do this level) for a few subjects due to the fact that he hasn't the best of English. However, it's as if he doesn't try; he doesn't want to do well.
It pisses me off so much, because that's all I ever do - try! I want to do the best I can; I want my education to help me get somewhere in life. Then, he just doesn't care.
I spent a good bit of time explaining the one question we had in Geography to him today, while I could've been doing my own homework & study. I repeated the same basic thing over & over again, explaining what to do & then he would repeatedly ask the same question about something I had explained.
I wanted to scream at him - that's how pissed off I got. I know I've a short temper, at times, but he always pushes me over the edge with this sort of stuff. I swear to God, he is going to get extra English classes, even if I have to organise them myself. I don't care if he doesn't want the classes anymore, I won't be able to stand much more of this. He needs them & I'm not patient enough to go through everything with him, nor do I want to lose time on what could be spent on study, to help myself.
Yes, I know I sound selfish, but to be honest, I tell him he should do certain things to help himself at school & he rarely ever listens. He's incredible intelligent at maths, however he is in ordinary level maths. He could do honours level easily. I do it myself! I told him & he said no, because he would have to study more for the subject... You get 25 extra bonus points if you just simply pass honours maths! That means by getting a D3 in Honours level is more or the same as an A1 in ordinary. Like, what the hell? A bit of study is no harm! It'll be good in the long run.
Ugh! He has zero motivation! It pisses me off so bloody much!!!

Some People Should Learn To Use Their Heads!

School Tomorrow...

Honestly, I don't really want to go back. I'd prefer to stay here, at home helping Mam, just like I have for most of the summer. All I want to do at school tomorrow is to see my friends & then go home. I don't even want to see my timetable, because I already know I can't do one of the subject I wanted to do. I also know, because of that, I'll have to do some subject that I'll hate. I have a strong feeling it'll be Geography, possibly Chemistry.
   The only things I'm looking forward to this year are going to school with my younger brother & sister again & doing Art, which it looks like I'll still be able to do this year. Otherwise, it's going to be a shit load of work, study & stress. All preparation for next school year.
   I can guarantee you that my year head & principal will both be like "The Leaving Cert starts now. Not next year," during the assembly. Then go on to talk about studying & the likes. I more than likely hear that over & over again in almost all my classes, just to make sure we heard it the first 2 times!
   I also don't want to see any of those damn eejits, that I blissfully avoided basically all summer!
   Ugh...
   I just really don't want to go... But I've to suck it up, right? I've no choice, in all honesty. Not if I want to do Visual Communications or anything like that. If there was only a way... >_<

Well, I should seriously get to sleep now.

I'm going to be exhausted in the morning!

Blah...

Goodnight <3

Some Friends They Are...

I've been pissed off since yesterday evening with two of my closest friends, R & J.
Why? Well, because I've been looking for a summer job since February & I just can't seem to get one. J asked her mam if there was any job going for the last few weeks of the holiday, in the hotel she works for. I was told there would be a job Sunday nights, from 6pm to maybe 10-11pm. This would be once the college students go back studying, once I was back to school.

I was unsure, so I mentioned it to Dad & Mam. Dad didn't want me working on Sundays at all at first, but, then, settled for working until 7pm on a Sunday night.
His logic was that, because I'd most possibly be on wash-up and/or waiting in the restaurant, I'd be way too tired the following Monday morning for school, if I was working until 11pm the night before.

To be honest, I agree with him. By the time I would get home & actually get to bed it would be 12am or after & then I'd have to get up at 6.45am as I get the bus to school. I figure I  would be able to do that for a few months, but, eventually it'd be too much with tests and study.

So, I said this to J what Dad said, but not that I agreed with him. It was on Facebook mail where you can have numerous recipients, so R could see too. I asked about Saturdays, if there was any jobs then, as I could work late Saturday nights, as Dad said it was alright & I sure didn't mind myself,or even during the day on Sundays. J said no. However, J & R couldn't seem to get why I wouldn't just take Sunday nights on wash-up or whatever. I had already explained about Dad & his valid reasons, but I mentioned it again.

At first the two girls were joking saying I should ask Dad to pay me the money I'm missing out on at the hotel, since I can't take the job. I didn't really mind that too much at all. However, then it escalated to, "You want the job? Then take it! Your dad won't be the one working." I had made it clear at this point that what Dad says goes in our house, unless you were looking for huge trouble. I was not & I had mentioned at this point to to J & R that I thought he was right in what he was saying, even though I did want to work.

Then, apparently, I had an attitude & that I wouldn't get any job with it. Like, what?! I don't have a problem with doing the job or working late any day, but it just happens I have school the following morning, so Dad said I wouldn't be allowed to work. That's not me having an attitude, that's my Dad being right. I obviously didn't say all that, though. I asked why.

I was told I was being fussy. That no one would want to hire anyone that was going to be fussy about their hours of work. Uh, what? First off, I'm 16, almost 17. If this was in the middle of the summer holidays, my dad wouldn't care what day or time I worked to, but this would be during school & would possibly affect me at school. So he said no. I got his point & didn't want want to get in trouble with him anyway, so I asked if there was other hours going. I wasn't being fussy! These girls should know about me & what my dad says at home. We've been close friends for four years now. Plus, I've even said before I'd try any job - even wash-up, but if Dad says no, Dad says no. Part time job or education? Even without Dad saying anything, I know what I'd choose.

J, herself, is stopping work, on Saturdays at the end of September, so she can study more & have time to relax. We are in the same year at school, with two years left. We both want high point courses, so why doesn't she get it of all people? She said before, the stress of school & working on the weekends doesn't go well together. Yet, she couldn't seem to get what my Dad was saying and called me fussy & said I had an attitude. I don't get her!

These two girls are meant two be two of my closest friends, but they've made me so mad & upset. I know now that I won't get any job until next summer, but they pointed out that working younger looks good on my CV. I know that & I've the B&B to stand for me. I've been helping in the B&B since I can remember. I began serving breakfast to guests when I was twelve & I'd been cleaning bedrooms with my mam for years before that. That's better than two years in the Paper Shop & a restaurant. It wasn't as if I wasn't looking to work anyway. I'm sure that majority of businesses in town have had my CV from earlier on in the year. Things just weren't busy though, so not many people were picked up.

So, yeah, I'm pissed off with the two girls. At the end, I told them I understood that they were trying to help and all, but Dad said I can't work late on Sundays during the school term. I told them I appreciated their help though & left a smiley face & a heart, trying to ease things up, but I received no reply. They obviously had seen the message (Facebook indicates whether & which person has read a mail or not). J mailed later asking if the 25th was good for a night out we were planning, earlier today, but when I replied, her messages weren't exactly overly friendly. R was reading the messages, but wasn't replying.

This really annoys the shit out of me! They aren't acting like my best friends at all right now, not even normal friends. It didn't even seem as if they were helping me. I'm starting ti think I should just consider D & IM as my close friends any more. I never get into anything like this with them, yet with R & J something happens from time to time I've found. Immature silliness.

I just needed to get all this out of my system... I feel slightly better now... Slightly.

Overreacting, But Still....!

Oh, my God! I'm actually really pissed off!!!
My good friend, J, says she got a belly button piercing. R, another good friend, says she was with her. This has been over mail on Facebook. I believe neither of them.
I really hope they're joking.
I'll fecking kill them if they're joking!
I really hate belly button piercings. They look lovely - sure, I'd have one myself if that was just it - but they can be so dangerous sometimes.
If someone hits you in the stomach, you're going to be in so much pain. There have been a few cases where belly button piercings have caused life threatening damage to the body of wearers during car accidents, from being hit by someone or getting caught in something. It's too freakin' dangerous to have no matter how "small" the chance may be of you getting hurt.
This is a good example of the small but scary risks. I've read others.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/south_east/7020936.stm

Then the even more common stuff would be the infections, though I do know not everyone gets them...

Risks

Hepatitis and HIV are the more serious, but rare, risks involved with your bellybutton piercing. More common risks include infection, thick scarring known as keloids, nerve damage and an allergic reaction to the jewelry. Bacterial endocarditis, an infection of the surface of the heart, is a risk if you have a moderate to high-risk cardiac condition, according to American Family Physician. Your body could also reject the piercing.

Side Effects

Bleeding, localized swelling, tenderness and bruising are normal side effects during the initial healing process, according to the Association of Professional Piercers. While your piercing heals, you may experience some discoloration, itching or a secretion of a white-yellow color. See your doctor if you have a foul-smelling, yellow secretion coming from your piercing or you develop a fever.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/127699-bellybutton-piercing/#ixzz1ywRHy5vz

On top of all this, I'm 90% sure they're fucking with me.
They better be.
But I'm probably going to be so pissed off if they are. I don't find it funny at all.
If she isn't I don't know what I'll say. She has never, ever, mentioned wanting one before nor doe she seem like the type of girl to have one. Like, we live in Ireland, for Christs sake! When is she even going to be even showing it off, if we don't even have the weather to wear bellytops and the like???
She doesn't even wear that sort of clothes. This is way out of her character. I don't really believe it, but why joke about it? They could obviously tell I was pissed off. I've never been that well at hiding that I'm angry. Ugh! I don't know what I'm going to say Thursday!!!!

Going To Bed! (Excuse My Vulgar Language)

Heading to bed now in a second, but I'm bloody pissed off with myself. I had a good enough day. I spent majority of it with my boyfriend! <3 However, because we went on a walk, any mails I got on facebook, didn't show up on my iPod, with notifications, as I didn't have wifi. Because of this, I missed the skype call with my best friend, IM. This sucks major balls. I had meant to check my mails earlier, but I got distracted. Ugh. My fault! -_-
Tomorrow. I'll hopefully Skype her then. It'll be good to chat to her before I go to the Gaeltacht! Even if it's for 10 - 15 minutes (as if we could ever keep our conversations that short. Ha!).
I plan to chat with all the girls this week, but I got to watch my mail now and my timing. Blah. I was looking forward to talking to her. Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Chat, chat, chat.