Emotionless

I feel like a brick wall. Hard. Cold. Unmoving.
I don't know what to do or what to think...
I've hurt someone that loves me, but I don't want their love. Yet, I did care for them greatly once before. However, not in the same way they seem to care about me. Friendship & support was all I thought we had, they wanted more. Thought we could have more.

But I've turned into a brick wall. Hard. Cold. Unmoving. I have no emotion for this person... Only anger, but I don't even know why.

He says he thinks about me all the time. He cries for me, but we have never met in person. I don't understand it. I can make friends over the Internet - Good friends - but, for anything stronger, I think you should know the person in real life, not just on a screen.

These last few months I've become cruel. I don't know when it started. I don't really know why. Maybe I do... But it's all too complicated. All I know is that I don't love him the way he wants to be loved. I don't know if I even want to be friends. He's cut off all contact now, because I was a bitch earlier today & just sent me a message before deleting me completely on another app that we met on. He explained his feelings & how he almost killed himself last month... I understand his life isn't the best, that things aren't always going his way at all, but I'm not worth killing himself over. Not at all!
We've only skyped a handful of times, dammit!

I don't know... I'm more angered than anything else... I don't want to be forced to be his friend - i dont want his friendship any more - but I don't want to leave him there, in the cold, either.

I feel like an emotionless freak.... A brick wall.

Emptiness...

I just feel empty. I felt fine earlier today, tired, but fine all the same. I don't know... It's shit. I feel lonely and unwanted. I miss my close friends... I want to tell them what's wrong with me, but how can I? I don't even know myself.
I want - I don't know what I want. Maybe to cry...? Shout? Scream?! Screaming sounds good right now, but the guests (we've a bed and breakfast) might think someones being murdered, or, plainly, has the volume up too loud.
I hate this empty feeling... I hate feeling unwanted and lonely... I have enough of it at school some days, because of dickheads and bitches and the like. It's worse at home though...
I just wish I was with my friends... I want to be away from here... I want to be wanted by someone and not doubt things about whether they really do. I don't want to feel like I could be a problem or that I'm annoying them when I'm around or if I say something... But I feel that now and when I'm with the ones I love...
Ugh.. I hate all of this...