Little Quotes I Love on Happiness

Stand Up For Yourself!

Standing up for yourself can be one of the most terrifying, yet brave things you can do.

I can recall one time that I truly stood up for myself.
   It must be a year ago now. We were in the locker room in school. I was sitting on the floor with my friends, while she & a few of our mutual friends were getting books for the morning classes. I was telling the girls I would do it.
    I called her name. She turned to look at me, a fake smile plastered across her face. I'm sure mine looked similar, though, my whole body shook with nerves & fear.
   I told her I had heard what she had said about me. I watched, satisfied, as the corners of her mouth dropped. She acted as if she had no idea what I was talking about.
   "The walls have ears y'know."
   I loved watching her squirm! I had imagined the whole thing out the night before. All the different scenarios. Never did I think that I would actually make her feel so uncomfortable.
   She kept denying it. However, I knew she had being commenting about how it looked as if I had a moustache. One of our mutual friends had told me, J. So, I told her if she ever did have something on her chest & wanted to tell me, I was all ears.
   She repeated that she didn't say anything. She was getting agitated, banging her locker.
   "Relax," is what I had said, earning a death glare. I remember a smirk curling the corners of my mouth. The shake in my voice was long gone. "I'm just saying, if you do, come talk to me. We're friends, aren't we?" My voice was thick with sarcasm.
   She had her back to me, opening her locker again.
   "Look at me. If you're not lying, you can at least look me in the eyes and say it."
   She never did look me in the eyes, though she did storm out of the room. I recall words being passed between us just before she left, but I can't remember what was said. I do remember the sheer joy, as she left the room.
   I had stood up for myself!
   I remember J & R laughing, saying that it was the best thing ever. They loved seeing how she got caught out. D had asked for an explanation, as she hadn't heard what had been said the day before.
   I was still shaking. I had stood up to talk to her, so, leaning against the wall, I slid to the ground. Utter relief passed through me.  It was one of the best feelings I have ever had! I couldn't believe I had done it, but I had & I was so damn proud of myself.

So, stand up for yourself.

Fight back with words!

Think ahead, use your brain!

Your nerves & fears will subside as you watch them struggle.

Don't let them push you around anymore!

<3

Just Talk

I talked to mam today about school & how I was worried about what subjects I'll get, since the two main ones I want, & sort of need, will be against each other on the timetable this year.
I mentioned how I was sort of afraid if people will say stuff to me again this year. Like, there's no reason in my mind to say anything rude/stupid/ignorant towards me, except people still do. Maybe it's the reaction I give back amuses them.
Or, in most cases, I think, they are completely idiotic in my year group.

Last year, apparently, because I had mentioned to the principal about how I would like to study Visual Communications in third level & that Art is a required subject for this course, while Design Communication Graphics (DCG) is highly recommended, I had changed the timetable for the coming year. A large number of my fellow students somehow come to this conclusion as the principal gave out another draft of the timetable - I repeat DRAFT!!! - that suited me better than the first one given out. I'm one student out of roughly 79. How am I suppose to change a whole timetable?! It actually suited a lot of my friends better too. However, because I had talked to the principal & people disagreed with the timetable, they threw temper tantrums & blamed me, even though the principal said it was still subject to change & the real timetable would possibly be a mix of the two drafts together. Sometimes I think I go to school with a bunch of imbeciles because of this.

Also, after all that, I got a letter last week giving out a more final timetable, very similar to the first, so they've no reason to blame me for anything now.

So, anyway, I told mam about everything I was worrying about from the subjects I might have to do, to the people that I don't want to meet again this term, among other things.
I felt a lot better after this.

Talking to someone about what's on your mind helps.

Don't let it build up inside.

Don't bottle it up until you overflow with worry, fear or anxiety.

It only causes unneeded stress & anger,

So, talk to someone.

A close friend, family member, teacher, councillor...?

Maybe even on an online support forum or there's something similar to that, but over landline I've heard!

But, the gist is, it helps to get it all off your chest.

So, don't let it build up.

Just talk.

Be Who You Want To Be

If someone ever tries to bring you down, hold your head higher.

Be who you want to be.

Don't let anyone give you crap for it.

People bully others because they're not comfortable in themselves.

They may say it's because you're different,

But, really, they're jealous of the fact that you can be yourself.

So fuck 'em!

Be proud of who you are!

Don't ever change your hair or style because some asshole says something about your appearance!

Don't cry yourself to sleep at night if someone says it's wrong to fall in love with someone of the same gender.

Don't be afraid to say what you think, just because some idiot may make a snide comment.

Laugh in their faces.

Flip them off!

You should have the freedom to be yourself.

So, stand up for yourself,

Because you're the only one that can.

Getting In Shape!

This post may be triggering to any person with an ED.

I do not have one myself, but I don't wish to trigger anyone that does.

This is just a heads up, so continue reading if you wish. :)

Since I got back from the Gaeltacht, I haven't really been happy with the way I look. To be honest, yes, I know I'm pretty. I may not be the most gorgeous girl around, but, as people say, I'm cute. The thing is, I  don't like my stomach. I never really have. Well, except for when we did the talent show for school last year. Then, my stomach had been flat & I had last several pounds, due to a ton of dance practise.

Otherwise, I'm not entirely active. I play rugby, but it's seasonal sport, with training just once a week. I am a lazy person. There's no two ways about it & I'm not really too ashamed about it either. Well, except when I realised no one else in my house at the Gaeltacht weren't too bothered to wear bikinis or to just show off their stomachs or legs. I'm not a huge fan of either, though I would be more likely to wear a pair of shorts than a bikini.

So, I want to take action on all this negativity. Rugby is starting up soon again, so I've got to be somewhat fit for that too. I don't really plan to cut down on food, but just try to stop going for seconds after dinner, especially when it's a meal I love. I hope to substitute most sugary snakes for fruit instead, or just tell myself "No. Dinner will be ready soon enough." I've been doing that lately & I don't know, I haven't lost anything, weight-wise, but losing weight isn't exactly my main aim anyway, though it may help. My main aim is to flatten my stomach, so I don't see it jutting out in my way when I look down at my feet, so I can just see my toes & a little of my feet that come just before them.

So, I've decided, I will to exercise more. I've started a bit already, doing push-ups & sit-ups. IM had showed me a great way to do sit-ups when she was over in June & my sister found an old book on stretches and exercises that Dad used to use, so I'm putting all that new information to the test.

However, every single time I start something like this, I never finish it. It's not that I don't want to, but, I guess, I get easily distracted or I get too busy with the B&B or school. After that I just want to rest or something. I think I  just have a motivation problem or something. It annoys the shite out of me & I mean to go on, but I just stop. I'm going to work hard this time, though, & try my best to get motivated.

I'm sort of afraid, though. I know it sounds so stupid, but I am. I've learned quite a bit about EDs the last few years, especially anorexia. I'm not an expert & I've never suffered from any ED, but I'm scared that if I do keep exercising & start to think that it's not enough. I'm afraid I'll start doing something unlike me & cut down my food intake, though I do eat pretty healthy overall. I'm scared that I'll start obsessing about my weight & looks, thinking I'm anything but slim. I know it sounds crazy & stupidly immature, but, to be honest, I do worry about it. I know an ED doesn't just start like that, but it could, possibly, couldn't it? I feel so stupid & embarrassed by my fear, but I need to just say it. Like, I know a ton of healthy, fit people without - or have basically overcome, in one case - an ED. However, it still bothers me sometimes... It's idiotic to a point, but I can't help feeling this way. I feel a bit better now that it's off my chest, though.

I think, after I brush my teeth, I'm going to do some sit-ups! Better to push on instead of a fear holding me back, right? 

Feeling Good! :)

I like the way I've been feeling lately! I'm just plain happy.

Like, okay, there's moments I feel sort of crappy, or I just really miss all my friends and I want to do nothing but talk to them. Be with them. But I get over those moments easy enough and I'm fine again. Well, half-cracked, but that's totally normal in my case. It wouldn't be any fun if I was anything but!

I don't even have as much problem working either. Yes, I get a bit annoyed doing everything for mam, and I might mess on the iPod a bit, but I'm still doing my work more and I don't complain as much as I normally would. Actually, overall this season in the B&B, I have been basically just doing the work! I hope whatever has made me do this doesn't go away. I quite like the way I'm working. Hopefully it'll rub off onto my studying skills come the end of August! :P

I'm trying to get along with Dad better too. I like it when we're not annoyed at one another. We're so much alike, however, which makes it so easy to be annoyed. But I love him and I know he loves me, so it makes me happy that we're not at each other as much lately! :)

I don't even really feel depressed or down really any more either! Maybe just the odd time I'll get that empty feeling when I think of IM & my other close friends, D, J & R, and how I miss them, but I then just try to message one of them and it usually helps shake the loneliness off. I think I'll try and meet D soon, if the weather clears up. She lives the closest to me of all my friends, so we'll maybe just meet up and walk around our area and just talk. It might help the empty feeling to become even less again. :) I may not feel like I can tell D everything, sometimes, but I think I'm going to try and do that now. Bottling things up like I do doesn't really help and I can't just wait to Skype or meet IM in person any more. It gets too much for me, so I get depressed and stuff. So I'll have to learn to trust D more. It's hard to know what she thinks though, at times. Whatever. I need to stop worrying what people think of me anyway. I can just ask her if I really want to know. I need to relax more - that's probably why I'm happy more too. I'm more relaxed than I would be at school! I'm going to try keep it that way :)

Anyway, here's the first photo of me I've posted on my blog :)

The lighting and whatever is a bit iffy - it's my webcam and I've only my lamp on.

I'm ready for bed though in my lovely Transition Year hoodie! Haha! :P

Well, Goodnight all! Sleep well :) <3

Smile! :)

What you may not know, from the direction of a lot of my posts, is that I can be quite a smiley person!

I feel that everyone should smile at least once a day & I don't mean that you should plaster a big fake grin across your face for five minutes.

No. I hate fake smiles.

I hate when I've to do it when I serve breakfast to the guests!

Like this morning, I was pissed off at mam for telling me how to do stuff which I already knew how to do perfectly and what I needed to do next, which I knew!

So I wasn't happy or smiley or whatever. I more than likely looked like I wanted to kick the shit into someone (possibly because I did! Haha!), but when I walked into the dinning room with tea and coffee I had to smile. It'd be really crap if I gave someone their tea and they looked up to say thank you, only to get a murderous stare in return. Yeah... Not a good way to run a business!

But I still don't like fake smiling. I can always feel the corners of my mouth trying to obey the force of gravity, as I try to fight it.

Gravity always wins the battle. I stop fighting as soon as I close the dinning room door.

I love when I talk to my friends and we have a bit of a laugh, and, then, they start to complain that their cheeks hurt from all the smiling and laughing.

I always say it's because they need to exercise their cheek muscles more!

The two of my closest friends it happens the most too, say I'm the only one that makes them smile enough to make their cheeks hurt.

It makes me happy to know this. I absolutely love making people smile or happy.

It makes me happy!

I love saying hello to random people and plastering a grin on their faces because of the sheer oddity of it all!

Or when I say "Hello! How are you?" to shopkeepers or shop attendants! There's always the odd dour ole feck that just says "hi." in response and doesn't even look at you, but a majority of them smile back and chat with you while you pay! Then as you walk away, you hear them give a chirpy "hello!" to the next customer! It makes me seriously happy!

Like, two weeks ago, I went to Galway with my three closest friends (that I go to school with). We went shopping and saw a film. We decided to get ice-cream in a cornershop on the way back to the bus station. The shop attendant was only a couple years older than ourselves, I'm guessing maybe late-teens to early twenties. I was the last of my friends to pay, so I justed did my usual "Hello! How are you?" & she literally looked up from the till, shocked.

"I'm fine, thank you very much for asking! You?"

She said it was nice to be asked. I figured not many did. They just walked in, payed, walked out.

I loved they way I sort of made her day, in a small way. I'll always remember her reaction and what she said. It fuels me to do it more often & just smile!

So make someone smile today and just say "Hello! How are you?" Doesn't matter who they are or if you even know them. You more than likely may never see them again, or, possibly, you may get a new friend out of it. I do it for the sheer happiness of seeing the smile on their face. :)